death

ya.... yup..... :'( crying face < arrow pointing left.......... ready to go..... death is knocking......... once again..... should i run? or should i answer?.... it keeps knocking... harder each second i put it off....... what should i do?...... i think i should stay.... but i said and still believe.... that i won't live till 10th grade.... something is going to happen..... maybe this summer..... im scared....... i want to die..... but i dont.... who will miss me?...... would there be a lot?..... or very few?.... would you miss me?.... i can fell it in my vains.... i will die soon.... i'm not sure yet.... if it is meant yet..... but it could be meant.... will it be an accident?.... involving my sister?.... i hope not.... if it is.... an accident.... i hope it is just me... that goes..... in that hole.... in that ground.... with a sign... abouve my body... my tombstone... i hope it is nice..... but is it bad to think i am going to die soon?.... is it wrong to think that i wil die either from suicide..... or an accident?.... maybe cancer will do it..... or maybe i'll be dumb enough to huff myself to death.... or drive the car and get hurt that way..... or shoot myself.... or maybe it will be because of a knife.... or something sharp..... if anything does happen..... i just want you to know that i love you...... that i will watch over you.... and keep you safe.... that i will always be with you...... i hope nothing happens..... than again i hope something does... i want out of this earth... i want to see Jesus.... i want to be finally in peace, and have nothing to worry about............. i will miss you.... even in death.... so if i do die... just remember this.... of how i predicted that it would happen..... please keep this forever.....

well then i'd die from sleep walking.......

please don't be soo mad.... this isn't to scare you... it is basically the truth and what i believe... i can make this promise........... i will try to contol my life...... but if it is cancer or sleep walking i can't control it....... i'll hold off the suicide for you........... just for you......... cause you care... but absolutely nobody else....... sound good?....... but i can't really control accidents..... God has a plan...... one just for me..... maybe i'll die after i do something really great...... i have thought of that too..... i just know i'm going to die someday..... God will call me home soon...... i'm just fore warning you..... just so you are ready for when it really happens..... trust me...... i HOPE TO GOD........ it isn't soon...... but I won't be able to control God's plan....... He has something stored just for me..... soon I’ll find out...... death has called..... but so far I pushed it out..... I want to die, just so i can finally be in peace, and so I can see JESUS..... I want freeness.... but I won't take my own life.... ill let God do that part....... I’m just saying that I want you to know that I love you soo much.... you have really had a postive influence on me, and I don't want us to be a part ever.... we need each other.... I just want you prepared so I don't hurt you too much........ When I do die...... I want you to be able to live without crying too much over me :'( I want you to be able to let me go........ just remember me....... and these emails..... something great will become of me.........

Good bye for when I do die.............. I love you so much...... I'm happy I got to really know you..... I'm not trying to scare anybody or make them mad...... Just stating the facts that have been placed by something other then my own mind..... God will call me home soon.... I truly believe that....... I'm going to stick to that until I die. Nobody except God knows what is going to happen....... I can see what might happen...... But I can't say when it will happen...... So just so you know..... BE PREPARED!!! IS ALL I CAN REALLY SAY.

By: Pshantell Peterson

Untitled poem4

I know you can hear me. I can see you crying every night, when I sleep. I never have any nightmares, I just have fantasies. Wishing you were here, I can’t take this any more. I sit here every night and cry. Nobody knows what goes on inside. It’s always raining without you here. Time passes slowly, and I wish I can travel back into it. I don’t want anything to change I want everything to be normal again. Since you left, everything has changed, and I’m not normal any more. The pain I have has been cause by you, and only you. My friends try to comfort me, but they can’t. Only if you come back, I’ll be comforted. The knife has been picked up by me, because of you.
I know you can hear and see me still. I call out into the black of the night, every night hoping you would hear me. My heart is still after you, and just you. Does that mean anything to you? Stars fall every night, and I always make a wish. I wish for you to hold me in your arms once again. As the moon rises, I wish to dance under it with you. As the sun rises, I realize that time is still passing without you here. Suicide has called, and I have so far ignored it. Soon I will answer it, if I never see you again. I need you now more than ever, and you are not here. The scars of my life are caused by you, and they will now never go away. Cutting has helped me so far, and I hope you understand why.
I want to feel the rush of the ocean and I want to sit with you on the moon. I know this could never happen, but I still wish. God is holding me here on earth, for one reason, and I still haven’t found it yet. I keep walking along a path that is hidden by trees and bushes. I keep following it although it is winding and twisting for what seems like forever. Someday I’ll get to the end, and I just can’t wait to see what is waiting for me. I wonder yet if it will be you, holding out your arms for me to jump in. I wonder if my friends will once again welcome me.
I am so full of sin, and yet I’m forgiven. I should have died so long ago, but that’s why Jesus died. So I wouldn’t have to. I am so full of selfishness, but what I want, I can’t control. I’m so full of pain, but nobody except you can change that. So please come back and help me. I am always in this corner, wasting my tears, just for you. I know I have been bad, but I want you to forgive me. I know that I deserved the beatings you gave me, because I let you down. I know God will guide you back to me, because it is meant between us. I know that I am being led into something even greater then the two of us. The fire jumps and bubbles below me. The fantasy is still above me. I know that peace and quiet can be only above, and that anguish is only below. The master of lies, and pain is calling on me, but the master of love and happiness is shouting even louder. I know I should go after the master of love, but somehow I am being dragged into the master of lies. Which should I believe?
I’m still on my bed, sleeping in a dream of fairy tales. I am still swimming with mermaids, and I’m still riding unicorns. Each night I get farther into the fairy tale. There is one thing missing and that is you. I keep searching everywhere, but I just can’t find you. I finally rest beside the ocean, and watch dolphins jump into the air. I cry out so load and piercing that even the trees turned and looked at me. I am finally near the moon, and I finally taste the stars. I am finally letting go of you, and finding happiness once again. I am finally riding the moon, and flying through space. I am finally at the end of this path, and what I found I’ll never forget. Hell is finally getting farther away from me, and Heaven is finally greeting me. You were once a big part of my life, but now I let you go forever. I watched you falling below me, and I let go of your hand. I have cried the last of my tears over you. The last thing I want to say before I close the door is this, Goodbye forever.

The door is now closed, and I am not looking back. I locked it with heavy locks that can’t be broken. I can never reach you again, and I can’t ever reach you. Peace has finally found me, and I finally let go of pain. I now no longer can feel pain, but only happiness. I still ride the moon and still taste the stars. I still wish, but not about you. You are now no longer in my life.

Sorry I wasted my tears over you. Sorry all thoes years I was chasing invisible dreams. Sorry I felt so bad. Sorry that I can now be in happiness, but good bye my once true love.

By: Pshantell Peterson

If I, Would You

If I was left alone,
Would you search for me?
If I was left for dead,
Would you care for me?

If I was lonely,
Would you keep me company?
If I was angry,
Would you make me happy?

If I was mistaken,
Would you help me move on?
If I was taken,
Would you search long?

If I grew ill,
Would you tire of me?
If I were to die,
Would you greave for me?

If you said that you love me,
I would you believe you.
If you said that I love you,
Would you believe me?

By: Ashley Campbell

How You Make Me Feel

You tell me things about myself,
That I already know inside,
You accuse me of wrong doings,
But what is so wrong about being in love?
You tell me what I say or do wrong,
But what is really wrong about being myself?
I try to help,
I try to fit in,
Just by being myself,
But you don’t understand what it feels like,
To be hurt again and again,
Especially the ones I love,
You turned around and hurt me,
If I were you,
I’d turn and see,
The hurt you caused me.
What did I ever do so wrong?
What did I ever do so bad?
To deserve this world of hurt,
That I’m residing in,
All I ever wanted was to love,
And be loved in return,
You want to crush that which is in me,
Unknowingly you do,
You push me down once again,
My wound is not a mere scratch,
Yet you push me up and make me walk,
Even when I hurt so bad,
Then you do it all over again,
I try to hide,
All of this pain inside,
But it refused to hide any longer,
I need to sit and weep,
From all this pain I keep,
You tell me to grin and bear it,
But you don’t know how hard that is,
To just turn and walk away,
It’s like a stalker,
Silent in the night,
It attacks when you’re the most vulnerable,
When you’re the farthest down,
Yet you think it’s no big deal,
But you don’t know my pain,
You don’t understand a thing,
Especially not what I say,
And not what I do,
I used to care for you,
But I’m not sure if I can any longer,
Because of all this pain you caused,
If only you could see,
What stands right in front of you,
I tried to tell you,
I tried to show you,
You just refused to listen and see,
I tried,
I truly did,
But you chose not to care,
You chose not to listen or see,
What you were doing to me,
Emotionally you beat me,
But you chose not to care,
About a hurt little girl,
With long dish-water-blonde hair,
And forest green eyes,
She asked for your help,
But all you caused was more pain,
I just wanted you to know,
How bad you hurt me.

By: Ashley Campbell