A Sad Poem

These lights are flashing before my eyes my body is cold why is it so cold I keep wondering how many times I've told myself I want to die but I keep telling myself in my head that when I'm in my death bed that when I get to heave that I said I wish I could have told myself that I had so much to live for why why did I die I don’t know why can I sigh when I die if I sigh no body would have liked cause if I died I broke a promise I told my friends I wouldn’t die why would I say I wouldn’t die why oh would I die cancer is my big worry I care they care do you care its not fair when I'm in heaven can I pull out my hair just cause I broke a promise a promise is forever but what if I never promised anybody I wouldn’t die when I'm in heave can I fly that’s if I die if I die I just want to fly if I die that’s a problem its ok I don’t half to fly if I do fly I don’t want to sigh cause if I sigh then that means I think about my death but to let you know I ain't gonna die like I said I'm not gonna die at a young age

By: Bret Elifrits

death

ya.... yup..... :'( crying face < arrow pointing left.......... ready to go..... death is knocking......... once again..... should i run? or should i answer?.... it keeps knocking... harder each second i put it off....... what should i do?...... i think i should stay.... but i said and still believe.... that i won't live till 10th grade.... something is going to happen..... maybe this summer..... im scared....... i want to die..... but i dont.... who will miss me?...... would there be a lot?..... or very few?.... would you miss me?.... i can fell it in my vains.... i will die soon.... i'm not sure yet.... if it is meant yet..... but it could be meant.... will it be an accident?.... involving my sister?.... i hope not.... if it is.... an accident.... i hope it is just me... that goes..... in that hole.... in that ground.... with a sign... abouve my body... my tombstone... i hope it is nice..... but is it bad to think i am going to die soon?.... is it wrong to think that i wil die either from suicide..... or an accident?.... maybe cancer will do it..... or maybe i'll be dumb enough to huff myself to death.... or drive the car and get hurt that way..... or shoot myself.... or maybe it will be because of a knife.... or something sharp..... if anything does happen..... i just want you to know that i love you...... that i will watch over you.... and keep you safe.... that i will always be with you...... i hope nothing happens..... than again i hope something does... i want out of this earth... i want to see Jesus.... i want to be finally in peace, and have nothing to worry about............. i will miss you.... even in death.... so if i do die... just remember this.... of how i predicted that it would happen..... please keep this forever.....

well then i'd die from sleep walking.......

please don't be soo mad.... this isn't to scare you... it is basically the truth and what i believe... i can make this promise........... i will try to contol my life...... but if it is cancer or sleep walking i can't control it....... i'll hold off the suicide for you........... just for you......... cause you care... but absolutely nobody else....... sound good?....... but i can't really control accidents..... God has a plan...... one just for me..... maybe i'll die after i do something really great...... i have thought of that too..... i just know i'm going to die someday..... God will call me home soon...... i'm just fore warning you..... just so you are ready for when it really happens..... trust me...... i HOPE TO GOD........ it isn't soon...... but I won't be able to control God's plan....... He has something stored just for me..... soon I’ll find out...... death has called..... but so far I pushed it out..... I want to die, just so i can finally be in peace, and so I can see JESUS..... I want freeness.... but I won't take my own life.... ill let God do that part....... I’m just saying that I want you to know that I love you soo much.... you have really had a postive influence on me, and I don't want us to be a part ever.... we need each other.... I just want you prepared so I don't hurt you too much........ When I do die...... I want you to be able to live without crying too much over me :'( I want you to be able to let me go........ just remember me....... and these emails..... something great will become of me.........

Good bye for when I do die.............. I love you so much...... I'm happy I got to really know you..... I'm not trying to scare anybody or make them mad...... Just stating the facts that have been placed by something other then my own mind..... God will call me home soon.... I truly believe that....... I'm going to stick to that until I die. Nobody except God knows what is going to happen....... I can see what might happen...... But I can't say when it will happen...... So just so you know..... BE PREPARED!!! IS ALL I CAN REALLY SAY.

By: Pshantell Peterson

Untitled poem4

I know you can hear me. I can see you crying every night, when I sleep. I never have any nightmares, I just have fantasies. Wishing you were here, I can’t take this any more. I sit here every night and cry. Nobody knows what goes on inside. It’s always raining without you here. Time passes slowly, and I wish I can travel back into it. I don’t want anything to change I want everything to be normal again. Since you left, everything has changed, and I’m not normal any more. The pain I have has been cause by you, and only you. My friends try to comfort me, but they can’t. Only if you come back, I’ll be comforted. The knife has been picked up by me, because of you.
I know you can hear and see me still. I call out into the black of the night, every night hoping you would hear me. My heart is still after you, and just you. Does that mean anything to you? Stars fall every night, and I always make a wish. I wish for you to hold me in your arms once again. As the moon rises, I wish to dance under it with you. As the sun rises, I realize that time is still passing without you here. Suicide has called, and I have so far ignored it. Soon I will answer it, if I never see you again. I need you now more than ever, and you are not here. The scars of my life are caused by you, and they will now never go away. Cutting has helped me so far, and I hope you understand why.
I want to feel the rush of the ocean and I want to sit with you on the moon. I know this could never happen, but I still wish. God is holding me here on earth, for one reason, and I still haven’t found it yet. I keep walking along a path that is hidden by trees and bushes. I keep following it although it is winding and twisting for what seems like forever. Someday I’ll get to the end, and I just can’t wait to see what is waiting for me. I wonder yet if it will be you, holding out your arms for me to jump in. I wonder if my friends will once again welcome me.
I am so full of sin, and yet I’m forgiven. I should have died so long ago, but that’s why Jesus died. So I wouldn’t have to. I am so full of selfishness, but what I want, I can’t control. I’m so full of pain, but nobody except you can change that. So please come back and help me. I am always in this corner, wasting my tears, just for you. I know I have been bad, but I want you to forgive me. I know that I deserved the beatings you gave me, because I let you down. I know God will guide you back to me, because it is meant between us. I know that I am being led into something even greater then the two of us. The fire jumps and bubbles below me. The fantasy is still above me. I know that peace and quiet can be only above, and that anguish is only below. The master of lies, and pain is calling on me, but the master of love and happiness is shouting even louder. I know I should go after the master of love, but somehow I am being dragged into the master of lies. Which should I believe?
I’m still on my bed, sleeping in a dream of fairy tales. I am still swimming with mermaids, and I’m still riding unicorns. Each night I get farther into the fairy tale. There is one thing missing and that is you. I keep searching everywhere, but I just can’t find you. I finally rest beside the ocean, and watch dolphins jump into the air. I cry out so load and piercing that even the trees turned and looked at me. I am finally near the moon, and I finally taste the stars. I am finally letting go of you, and finding happiness once again. I am finally riding the moon, and flying through space. I am finally at the end of this path, and what I found I’ll never forget. Hell is finally getting farther away from me, and Heaven is finally greeting me. You were once a big part of my life, but now I let you go forever. I watched you falling below me, and I let go of your hand. I have cried the last of my tears over you. The last thing I want to say before I close the door is this, Goodbye forever.

The door is now closed, and I am not looking back. I locked it with heavy locks that can’t be broken. I can never reach you again, and I can’t ever reach you. Peace has finally found me, and I finally let go of pain. I now no longer can feel pain, but only happiness. I still ride the moon and still taste the stars. I still wish, but not about you. You are now no longer in my life.

Sorry I wasted my tears over you. Sorry all thoes years I was chasing invisible dreams. Sorry I felt so bad. Sorry that I can now be in happiness, but good bye my once true love.

By: Pshantell Peterson

If I, Would You

If I was left alone,
Would you search for me?
If I was left for dead,
Would you care for me?

If I was lonely,
Would you keep me company?
If I was angry,
Would you make me happy?

If I was mistaken,
Would you help me move on?
If I was taken,
Would you search long?

If I grew ill,
Would you tire of me?
If I were to die,
Would you greave for me?

If you said that you love me,
I would you believe you.
If you said that I love you,
Would you believe me?

By: Ashley Campbell

How You Make Me Feel

You tell me things about myself,
That I already know inside,
You accuse me of wrong doings,
But what is so wrong about being in love?
You tell me what I say or do wrong,
But what is really wrong about being myself?
I try to help,
I try to fit in,
Just by being myself,
But you don’t understand what it feels like,
To be hurt again and again,
Especially the ones I love,
You turned around and hurt me,
If I were you,
I’d turn and see,
The hurt you caused me.
What did I ever do so wrong?
What did I ever do so bad?
To deserve this world of hurt,
That I’m residing in,
All I ever wanted was to love,
And be loved in return,
You want to crush that which is in me,
Unknowingly you do,
You push me down once again,
My wound is not a mere scratch,
Yet you push me up and make me walk,
Even when I hurt so bad,
Then you do it all over again,
I try to hide,
All of this pain inside,
But it refused to hide any longer,
I need to sit and weep,
From all this pain I keep,
You tell me to grin and bear it,
But you don’t know how hard that is,
To just turn and walk away,
It’s like a stalker,
Silent in the night,
It attacks when you’re the most vulnerable,
When you’re the farthest down,
Yet you think it’s no big deal,
But you don’t know my pain,
You don’t understand a thing,
Especially not what I say,
And not what I do,
I used to care for you,
But I’m not sure if I can any longer,
Because of all this pain you caused,
If only you could see,
What stands right in front of you,
I tried to tell you,
I tried to show you,
You just refused to listen and see,
I tried,
I truly did,
But you chose not to care,
You chose not to listen or see,
What you were doing to me,
Emotionally you beat me,
But you chose not to care,
About a hurt little girl,
With long dish-water-blonde hair,
And forest green eyes,
She asked for your help,
But all you caused was more pain,
I just wanted you to know,
How bad you hurt me.

By: Ashley Campbell

Cutting hasn't gotten anyone anywhere.

INTRO: Cutting hasn’t gotten anybody anywhere, besides death. Is that what I want? Is that what you want to see happen to me? Is death the clock that spins, or is it what always wins? Do people really know, what makes them so cold? Can you tell me, what is rhyming? Can you give me a beat, so I can get off of my feet? I’m tired already, and I’m on physical fire, nobody can put it out, now can’t you see why I pout?

VS1: I lost myself from cutting. I found myself heading, for the right direction, trying to make a correction. To stop this pain, while I play this sick fucking game. I know that I am not perfect and people found cutting to be horrific. I locked myself away, and found myself today. I found that I am not right and that my friends have really put up a fight. I have suffered from cutting long enough, just to realize that I am not tough. If I was really tough, then I wouldn’t have cut this much. I would have asked God for help, and the pain I wouldn’t have felt. I would have been glad, and I would never have been mad. I would have a different insight, if only people wouldn’t be so tight. If only people wouldn’t be so concerned that is why I never yearn, for things so unexpected, I just want so badly to be accepted. I can’t go on with this shit; I just need to learn to fit. With other people around me, I brainwash them to think I am happy, but when in reality, I am so full of pain and hurt. It almost seems like I am cursed, with all these things that are misinterpreted. People don’t know me as well as they think they do, they just don’t really know my mood. I’m so affected, and I’m infected from pain and misery. I just can’t help it, so fuck this shit. I want to leave because there is nothing I can achieve. I have tried and tried but nothing ever seems to go through, you can’t say that isn’t true. You are still asking me questions, and I still don’t have any answers. You thought you knew everything, but to tell the truth you didn’t know anything. Especially concerning me, you thought I was happy, but in reality I wasn’t, I was just trying to cuss and swear to make things fair.

VS2: I thought I could trust you, but I guess that wasn’t true. I thought I had love, but I found something far below than above. I thought you would help me, I didn’t think you would leave. I thought you’d stick by my side, but I realized, you let me slide, deeper away from you, you basically said shoo. I never thought I’d get that kind of treatment, I never thought I’d find deceivement. I never thought you’d leave me in such hard times, and now here you are listening to my rhymes. I don’t think you found, my rounds of lies, I don’t think you deserved the truth, but here I gave it to you. I don’t think you can handle, so put me out of your life like a candle. I don’t think I can burn any more, my life has been torn. I think I am already out, you don’t need to shout. You don’t need to search me out. You can stop searching, and you can stop hurting. I’m gone forever, so put out the fire. You don’t need to watch me collapse, you just need to let go of your grasp. I’m starting to slip from your tight hold, I’m starting to get cold, but nobody can help me out. I’ll never look the same, I’m tired of playing your game, I’ll never have any fame, I’m already lame. Can’t you see? Don’t you read? The expressions others give, or do you want them to live? Do you want to forgive; do you want to be civil? Can you really be so in miserable, when so many things can be invisible? I’m so numb, don’t ever say the word some, because only some things can become, so fun.

cutting peoms

I cut because I need to get rid of pain that I am in.
I cut because it hurts other people.
I cut because it scares my friends.
I cut because it could kill me.

Is it all worth this? Does God want me to cut, or does he want me to cry for his help?

I cry every night, thinking of the hell I am in, knowing I don’t have everything I want in life.
My dad thinks I am happy, and I brainwash me and everybody around me that I am. I tell God in every prayer that I am happy, but is that really the truth? Is Satan just taking over my mind and soul, and bringing me slowly into hell?

I dream every night that I am living in paradise. That there are actually people that care, and that they love me so much, and my mother is there, not drinking, but actually happy.

I pray for happiness.
I pray that I’ll stop cutting.
I pray for my friends.
I pray that I can understand.

God hears me ever night, when I am crying, and praying.
He looks at me, and says, when the time is right.
I have this feeling deep down inside, that my cutting will eventually be useful.
Not for me, but for the people around me. They will get a miracle from it.
They don’t believe that I can survive from cutting.

I cry because I am lost and lonely.
I cry because I have no love from anybody.
I cry because I hurt, deep down inside my broken heart.
I cry because I dont see anything good in life.
I cry because suicide keeps possessing me.

They don’t understand nobody does.
They look at me like I am really happy.
They look at me, like nothing could be wrong.
But why does she fake this smile, God wonders.
But why doesn’t she come to me for answer, God asks himself.

I can’t face reality.I can’t face other people.
I can’t face the fact things will never be different.
I can’t face the fact that God will eventually help her, but not now.
I can’t believe that she fakes this smile.
I can’t believe people believe the smile.

I am in pain, but does anybody care?
I am in despair, but does that mean I should cut?
I am in anger, but is cutting my choice, or some demon possessing me?

I see that I am fat.
I see that I am in pain.
I see you looking my way.
I see you searching for answers.
I see my poor faith.
I see my problems are getting worse.
I see that I can DIE.

People say that I am not fat.
People say that I am happy.
People say they are not looking at me for answers.
People say I have good faith.
People say my problems ARE indeed getting worse.
People say I need help.
People say they don’t want me dying.

I don’t believe that I am not fat.
I don’t believe that I am happy.
I don’t believe that they aren’t looking at me for answers.
I don’t believe I have good faith.
I don’t believe I need help.
I don’t believe they don’t want me dying.

They all scream for my safety.
They all are praying that I some how get better.
They all know I will die eventually.
They all say it matters to them.
They all say getting help is important.

I must get help I know. I know I am not right. I know that God is watching, silently over me. I know I have an angel that is guarding me. I could have been dead, more than five times already, but God got me out, miraculously. I know this because there really was no way for me to know how to get out. He has kept me safe, from the day I was born, and I owe it all to him. I want Jesus to take control over my life. He has kept me safe, and that is a start. Jesus take cutting from my life. Let me forget it exists. I need your help now!

Jesus take control of my life.
Jesus take the wheel from my hands.
I pray to you Jesus!
I need you Jesus!
Jesus take care of me.
Jesus help me stop.
I need you Now more then ever!

I can’t do this on my own.
I can’t live any longer without you!
My life is torn apart.
It got broken when I was young.
I need your love.
I need people to show me their concern.

Bleeding is a sight.
A sight that can’t leave me alone.
I love watching the blood flow.
It satisfies me now more than ever.
Is it the answer?
Is this my destined death calling?

I know that people are concerned. I know God wants me to stop. I know that he has been keeping me from death this long. I know I need help. I want God to help me through this, but I haven’t let him do it yet. Can I really let it go? Can I stop I want to let it go?

Jesus I pray to you now, I pray that my life will be restored, I pray that I will be happy, I pray that my friends will be there for me, I pray that you will help me through this. I know I gotta change, I know I gotta take control myself over my life. I know you can help, I know you are really there, watching over me, I can pin point the times you helped me. I need to stop, I don’t want to die from this! Jesus help me. Amen.

She cuts to satisfy

She cuts to satisfy. She cuts to get rid of pain. She cuts to see the blood, knowing that she is releasing some kind of demon. She knows it could kill her, but yet she can’t stop. She is addicted to it. Her friends are concerned, and keep telling her every day that she should stop, but crying is her only answer. Her mama and her daddy don’t know, that the scars are from a razor blade, only her and her friends know.
Her friends have tried telling on her, but she only lied to them, making promises that she’ll stop. Yet every night, she cuts again, and again, and she is breaking those promises she has made. These nightmares keep haunting her. Memories of a happy girl running with her friends outside keep coming back. She sits down and cries some more.
The blood from her cut comes pouring out. She watches it as it slowly runs down her wrist, down to her bed. The drop of blood splashes on the blanket, leaving a blood spot. She smiles to herself, satisfied once again.
Her friends are praying so hard, that she will stop. But yet every day she comes to school with more scars on her arm. She tells them every day that they shouldn’t worry; she is not going to die. But they can’t help to be worried, because cutting will eventually lead to DEATH.
She knows that her cutting is hurting and scaring all of her friends. But like cancer, she can’t seem to get rid of it. It posses her, like a demon, it calls her name every night, and she has to answer, or she feels guilty. The demon has got control of her, and now it WON’T let go, no matter what. She will eventually die, but from this? Is it worth it??
She has already dug a grave deep in her mind. On the tombstone of death she has written Slicer the only name she ever called her self. She lost track of all time, and her other name. She only knows herself as slicer.
Slicer, Slicer, Slicer the demon calls. She looks out her window at the moon above. The blood is coming out, ounces and ounces at a time. There is so much blood; it could write the word cut four times, without running low. Her mother is screaming, but she can only hear the demon calling. She isn’t around in the world; she is lost in a dream. She passes out, and everything leaves her memory.
Friends, family, and the doctor are trying to wake her up. They have got stitches on her cut, 20 to be exact. Her mother is crying, and her daddy is sitting and staring out the window. Her friends are praying, and saying last minute words of kindness. The demon is still calling out to her, and she is not around.
She calls out to her friends and family. I’m back now, I am not dead! Nobody seems to hear, and then she realizes why nobody can hear her. She is not in her body she is a spirit, standing next to her body. The body she deserted for the demon. The demon called cutting.
She takes a final glance around. She stares long and hard at her lost body. She notices the deepness and looks of the scars. They were really deep and she now understood every bodies concern. She died from cutting. She says farewell to everybody, and floats on up to heaven.

Good bye to everybody who cared

By: pShantell Peterson

Meth...

I destroy homes, I tear families apart.
I take your children, and that’s a start.
I’m more valued than diamonds, more precious than gold.
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold!
If you need me remember, I’m easily found.
I live all around you, in you school and in you town.

I live with the rich, I live with the poor.
I live down the street, or even next door.
I am made in a lab, but not how you think.
I can even be made from under your kitchen sink,
In you child’s closet, or out in the woods:
If this scares you to death – GOOD! IT SHOULD!

I have many names, but there’s one you know best.
I’m sure you’ve heard of me. My name is Crystal Meth.

My power is awesome. Try me, you’ll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once, and I may let you go.
But try me twice, and I’ll be in your soul!
When I posses you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie.
You’ll do anything you have to, just to get high.
The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you feel in your arms.

You will lie to your Mother and steal from your Dad.
When you feel tears, you may feel sad!
Just forget you morals, and forget how you were raised:
I will be you conscious, I will teach you my ways.
I take kids from their parents, and parents from the kids.
I take people from GOD, and I even separate friends.

I will take everything from you,
Your looks and your pride.
I will always be by your side.
You will give me everything –
Your family, your home, your money, your friends:
Then you will be ALONE!

I’ll take and I’ll take, till you have not more to give.
When I finish with you, you’ll be lucky to live!
If you should try me – Be Warned – this is not a game!
If given the chance, I will drive you insane.
I will ravage your body, I will control you mind!
I will own you completely: Heart, Soul and Mind!
The nightmares I will give you, while you’re lying in bed.
My voice you will hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes the visions you’ll see.
I want you to know – these are all gifts from me!
By then it’s too late; you’ll know in you heart
That you are mine, we never shall part.
You’ll regret that you tried me (they always do),
But you came to me, not it to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told.
But you challenged my power, you chose to be bold.
You could have said, “NO” and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, what would you say?

My power is awesome, as I told you before.
I can take a nun and make her a whore.
I will be your master and you’ll be my slave.
I will even help take you to your grave.
Now that you’ve met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you!
I can show you more good times than words can tell,
Come hold my hand… let me lead you to HELL!

Blood and Pain

In this world it spins and it twirls.
There is blood and pain.
Were every day you life is in vain.
And while you’re waiting on the block,
you look over and see someone got shot.
After that your live goes down hill.
Then while you’re in school,
and your friend gets killed.
Then you say his death won’t be in vain.
Then you’re covered in blood and you feel pain.

By: Joe Schuety

Thoughts

She knows they like her, a little more than they should.
But why does she stay? Does she need to be known, or does she need to be loved?
You see the way they look at her-like she’s a god. Beautiful, yet so powerful.
And the way she looks at them, heartless, yet innocent; weak, yet strong; loved, and yet lonely. The smallest speck of hate left on her face, hidden by a smile!
Yet a sparkle of lust stays in her eye. Lust love, friendship, and joy!
Her sadness is so contained, so deeply, or is this not true?
Is she so powerful that the innocents she tried to create for herself, all just game?
Can she make some think one thing, and others another? Some think not-like I said!
Everything seems perfect. Doesn’t it? Well I may never know. Only a small few get the chance. And they hold the secrets dearer than their lives.
So now I ask again, “Is she really that powerful? Is she really all that great?”

By: Lindsey Thotland

Untitled Poem3

Last night I went to the store
I needed some stuff, I thought.
I ended up with more razor blades
In addition to normal things I bought.

I stood in front of the display
Rows and rows of Gillette
Debating o'er the 5 or ten pack
Which one shall I get?

I actually stand there thinking
How many will I need?
Is five enough before I'll stop
Needing to see myself bleed?

In this store, the razor blades
Are behind a little plastic door
That emits a loud squeal when you open it
So everyone sees you for sure.

Every now and then I imagine
That everyone in the store knows
That I really don't use them for shaving
And they're whispering 'oh, there that nutty one goes'.

When I need to buy tape and gauze
And ointment to handle the sore
I am afraid they will figure the whole thing out
So I buy those at a different store.

Its so ironic, these gyrations I go thru
To hurt myself again.
Will I ever stop for good?
Is is possible? If so, when?...

Untitled Poem2

Too many tears
Have I shed in my past
I've none left to cry
I am empty at last
All I can do now is feel anger and self-hatred
There is nothing left to live for
With angry thoughts in my head
I have slits on my wrists
And soon shall be dead
Slowly slide into the mist
My soul shall be burned
My heart used as coal
My lesson has yet to be learned
So here I lay
Dead as a nail
My anger has left me
And on you it shall hail

Untitled Poem

Silence
Only tears
As I press the blade
Against my pale skin

Red
The blood flows
From the wounds
Echoing my inner pain

Satisfaction
As I feel the knife
Slicing into me
I only deserve pain

Anguish
As I realize what I've done
I feel accomplishment
As I gaze at the marks upon my skin

Stares
People are horrified
Don't understand why
Neither do I

Find the right guy.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when
you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding
you of how much he cares
about you and how lucky he is to have you.

Wait for the one who turns to his friends and
says,".....that's her."